Posts tagged self identity

When did I first discover I was GQ…

 

From the time I was very little/young, I had issues with a lot of things. I began thinking about some very complex things for someone my age. I was born female, but looked like a little boy, if I wasn’t wearing a dress. Often times, I’d be mistaken for being a boy when I was at the store with my dad, or other times when I was wearing pants and a polo shirt. I would always correct those who made the mistake and say that I was a girl, but I’d also say that it doesn’t matter whether I am a boy or a girl, that I am good at whatever I am good at. In school, I hated that certain things were labeled as “girls” things or “boys” things… like push-ups, and how you did things, etc. I was always saying that things that were labeled “girls” stuff always seemed less than what “boys” things were, and I used to push for equality. Then, as I got older, I realized that even with society shaping certain genders into expressing themselves the way it was expected, that I held many characteristics that resembled “male”, however, I can honestly say that I have never wanted to be male completely. I LIKE my female body, but I also LIKE to present as male sometimes. I like that people are sometimes confused about my gender, and when I am with friends who question someone elses gender I always say, “Why does it even matter?” Why are we so hell bent on identifying people with labels that sets them aside from someone else… “oh, you’re a male” “You are gay” “you are butch” etc… I don’t care specifically what gender people are or orientation. I like the fact that men can have some feminine qualities and vice versa, but I wish that those qualities wouldn’t have to be identified by gender. To me, qualities are qualities regardless. It wasn’t until about five years ago, that I was introduced to the word genderqueer, and thought “wow, there’s a label for me too!” I also considered transitioning at that time…not specifically to change my gender, but to perhaps LOOK more in the middle but decided that really wasn’t the road for me. I prefer the middle here where I am. I am a mom, a sister, a friend, “that guy in the store”, “sir”, and many more things. I like being fluid in that I can wear a skirt and put on eye makeup one day, and then bind and pack and wear a suit the next, but feel completely comfortable in both, while also the next day just wearing a combination of both…

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