Posts tagged trans*

How Does one address IGNORANCE?

So, something has been bothering me a bit:
I took a fabulous new friend of mine (who happens to be mtf) to a favorite bar of mine for some karaoke last week, and after being there for ~2 hours, one of the regulars comes up to me and says, “Hey, is that a chick or a dude?” (as if, it’s even polite to ask), but this guy was ignorant to the facts anyway, so I answered, “She’s a chick.” to which he replied, “Really? How come she sounds like a dude?” To which I answered/questioned, “Well Bea Arthur sounded like a dude too, and some male singers have higher voices than I do. Does voice level determine gender?” He stopped for a moment and pondered, then asked, “What are her genitals?” At this point, I am livid, but I do not show it, and I calmly respond with, “I have no idea what her genitals look like. I have not been intimate with her. If I asked you what your genitals looked like and told you that I didn’t believe you and needed to see in order to know whether to call you a ‘he’ or a ‘she’ would you be offended? And if I were to tell you that, in fact, I have both a small penis and a vagina as genitals, and those really don’t define my gender, would you demand to see them?” He then looked me straight in the eye and said, “so, you’re a hermaphrodite?” At this point, I put my hand up, and looked away, stating, “I am no longer taking questions. Go sit down and sip your drink. You annoy me.”
What is bothering me is: 1. should I have even wasted my breath and answered this cis-guy? and 2. Since I did answer, do you think I handled it okay? Should I have tried to further explain things about gender to this guy, or did I stop at the right time?

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MY Genderqueer Manifesto!!! Sunday, July 15, 2012 The very first thing I want you to notice is that this is titled My Genderqueer Manifesto. It’s not The Genderqueer Manifesto nor even A Genderqueer Manifesto. This one is mine and no one else’s. Just like my gender(s). And like my gender, I reserve the right to modify it on a whim, to update it to reflect new knowledge, and for it to be completely nonsensical to those outside of my head. Modifications, updates, and other changes may (and likely will) be made without this document ever being updated. I am genderqueer. In that big QUILTBAG in which so many of us hang out, you can find me in the Q and the G. G for genderqueer. Q for queer. But not Q for questioning. I’m not questioning. I am the question. My life, my identity, my practices are a big fucking question mark, and I love it that way. So what’s it mean when I say I’m genderqueer? It means sure, I’m female. Except when I’m not. It means sometimes I’m a guyl too. It means sometimes I’m neither, or both, or something else entirely. It means I’m rarely a man, and even less often a woman. It means that when I fix a car or build something that I don’t feel manly or like I’m living up to the gender I wish to be… It means that if I am in a skirt or in baggy pants that I am not dressed as a female or male, I am simply dressed as me…wearing my comfortable clothes. It means you can refer to me as “he.” Or “she.” Or “ze.” Or any other personal pronoun you prefer. They’ll all be right enough, and I don’t mind any of them. Well, except maybe “it.” And, “Sir Zan” is always acceptable….as is just plain “Zan.” It means that my underarm hair is there because I am comfortable with it there. It is a combination of feminism and the guy that I am. So what does it not mean when I say that I’m genderqueer? It does not mean that I want to have my body surgically modified. Some genderqueer people do. That’s cool. It’s not for me. It does not mean that I’m under any obligation to make my identity apparent to others. Most days I’ll be in pants or jeans and a Tshirt or button down. You’ll likely not actively notice anything about my gender. It does not have any bearing on my sexual orientation. I’m mostly attracted to women, and also to other genderqueer folks. I’m sometimes attracted to guys. None of that has anything to do with my gender identity nor with my gender expression. I’m just pansexual.1 It does not mean that I feel I was born in the wrong body. I fit my body perfectly. I am my body. My gender and my body are inseparable, but that doesn’t mean that I let others assignation of gender to my body limit me. Sometimes I am extremely extroverted, and quite flamboyant…. and other times quiet, but rarely. But no matter my expression, I am always genderqueer. Even when you can’t see my queerness, it is there. It is who I am. It is how I am. Forget that if you prefer. My queerness is not your responsibility, and it does not need your recognition. But forget it at the risk of failing to see and understand me. Queer is a territory of tension, defined against the dominant narrative of white-hetero-monogamous-patriarchy, but also by an affinity with all who are marginalized, otherized and oppressed. Queer is the abnormal, the strange, the dangerous. Queer involves our sexuality and our gender, but so much more. It is our desire and fantasies and more still. Queer is the cohesion of everything in conflict with the heterosexual capitalist world. Queer is a total rejection of the regime of the Normal. Toward The Queerest Insurrection I refuse to let myself be managed and policed and limited by narrow, binary gender. I am both/and/neither/nor. I am “Yes, ma’am,” “Yes, sir,” and “I don’t know what to call you.” I am a walking, talking, living, breathing question mark exploding every binary that tries to catch me.

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A fashion show to help raise money for the Philly Trans*March 2012. (I will be one of the sexy MALE models….

My Tmate video…. what it’s like to be the partner of someone in transition.

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Saying goodbye to your old self after/during transitioning

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